musings on a (not so) flat chested girl -- part nine

When I settled into Dakota's apartment, I was happy to find that I did indeed remember to bring my toothbrush. When I ran away from home during my teenage years, I didn't bring along my toothbrush and I remember that the very first thing I wanted to do when I got home was to brush my teeth. In fact, it was my one and only concern. I think my parents could have beaten the living hell out of me until my face turned a particular shade of purple if they promised to allow me to brush my teeth everyday. I had my two pair of Addidas sneakers, one black, one red. I had very few items of clothing with me. I didn't feel the need to pack very much due to Garrick and Toby having a washer and dryer in their apartment, but now that I was with Dakota, it would mean I had to use quarters in the community machines. I suddenly wished I had brought more socks. Since I had no laundry basket, the prospect of carrying a pile of clothes in front of me, underwear situated under my chin, wasn't appealing. I realized that my planning for the new living arrangements had been haphazard as best and non-existent at worst. Crashing with my friends hadn't presented any problems because we had already been roommates and were well aware of each other's eccentricities. Living with Dakota was going to be more difficult than I originally thought. After all, I wasn't just crashing at her apartment, I was was moving in with her. Moving in without contributing to the rent, groceries or bills, and without being in a solid relationship that would normally engender such a move, but moving in all the same. I ignored everything I should have been thinking about and instead focused on one of the more useful things I managed to pack: my case of Cd's. They would keep me company when Charles and Charge, the kittens, became tired of my string dangling skills during Dakota's time at work.

Dakota had to work since she wasn't being supported by her family during her time off from school. I had taken for granted all the time she had to spend with me while I was staying with Garrick and Toby since one or the other was always around due to their differing work schedules. Now that it was just me and Dakota, I realized that I would be left alone in her small one bedroom apartment in an unfamiliar town with no car and no knowledge of the bus schedule. Dakota was kind enough to allow me to drive her car, and she gave me directions to her workplace so I would be able to make use of the vehicle while she was there and then pick her up when her shift was over. Unfortunately, I didn't really have anywhere to go in San Marcos and I didn't have enough money to pay for the gas it would take to drive to Austin and back. It was string dangling time.

For the next few days, Dakota would go to work and I would hang around her apartment playing with Charles and Charge, listen to records, and stare at the walls. At night, we would go out to local bars or rent movies, depending on our mood. She and I were getting along just fine, but there certainly wasn't much in the way of excitement. Jeremiah would write her emails about how she was wasting her time with me, she would get upset and tell me she just wanted to do what she wanted to do and who was he to say she was "wasting her time"? I thought if I were a stronger, braver or more violent man, or at least strong and brave enough to back up my violent nature, I would punch that prick in his Dick Tracy jaw. "Wasting her time!" What an asshole. All that time alone in the apartment allowed me to think about her relationship problems but I managed to comfort myself.

"She's done with him."

Dakota maintained a LiveJournal account and wrote a blog one night about how all the recent men in her life had tried so hard to "fix" her, and here I was, someone who wasn't trying to do anything. I liked her the way she was, as wounded as I; beautiful, fragile, real. She wrote that maybe she didn't need fixing after all, maybe all she needed was for someone to understand and accept, and that's exactly what I did.