Dakota and I returned to her apartment and went straight to bed without saying a word to one another. I was ready for a reconciliation but she was having none of it. It was time for me to go. I needed to visit my family in Houston and we decided it was best for me to leave as soon as possible, so I had Toby pick me up and drive me to his apartment where I would stay for the remainder of my time in Austin. After a day in Toby's place I called a friend who was on her way to Houston and I hitched a ride.
Upon arriving in Houston I met up with a friend who was visiting from out of the country. I made arrangements for the two of us to stay in my mother's house in the southwest part of town. There wasn't much to do during the day other than walk the two miles it took to get to a strip mall so we spent most of our time talking with my mom and my step father, while my friend bore the brunt of a slew of questions about her home country. At night we would go out for drinks with my friends and I was enjoying the vacation from my vacation, away from all the trouble I had recently caused in Austin. I spoke to Dakota on the phone sporadically and we both expressed a somber regret at the way things had recently transpired, but neither of us were willing to confront the real issues we had with each other head on. She didn't feel the need to since we weren't in any kind of real relationship and I thought if I ignored problems they would just go away on their own. My out of town friend and I were getting along spectacularly and one particular night our desires got the best of us. Feeling guilty about Dakota and whatever it was that we had going on, I didn't allow things to go too far but it was certainly enough to make me feel as if I had done something wrong, regardless of the reality.
I wasn't equipped to handle a relationship at that point and trying to handle a pseudo relationship was well beyond my abilities. I didn't understand what the etiquette should be, what would be considered cheating, and whether Dakota even cared enough to bother wrestling over a moral dilemma. She had made our status abundantly clear a few weeks prior when we were out shopping. A friend recognized her in the store and approached her to ask how she was doing. "And who's this? Your boyfriend?" She responded with a resounding no. I was taken aback and was hurt by the forceful, almost incredulous, reply. I thought I deserved more respect than that. I wasn't her boyfriend, true, but I wasn't just another random guy, either. My expectations got the best of me, but they weren't unfounded. A few weeks prior she ran into someone she knew on 6th Street and her friend commented on how we made such a cute couple. Dakota didn't have anything negative to say then. In just a few short weeks I had gone from potential partner to absurd idea. In Houston I was nothing. Just a guy on the other end of the phone with a sad tone of voice.
When I returned to Austin I went back to Toby's place and spent the next few says sulking and feeling sorry for myself. I reached the lowest point possible and I needed something to break me out of it, so I had Toby drive me to the local Best Buy and I purchased a copy of The Who film The Kids Are Alright on DVD. I assured him that it would make me feel better. It did. It was inspiring to see Keith Moon play and to hear songs like "A Quick One While He's Away" played at top volume. I was reinvigorated. I was ready to tell Dakota that we could be friends again. Not a couple, not lovers, just friends. That was good enough for me.
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