so this broad said I was sexist and I was like, "thanks! you said sexy, right?"

March ended and I made it to April without breaking anything or pissing anyone off- or at least more than they're already pissed at me (that I know of.) A few thoughts:

It took two weeks, but on Thursday night I managed to call the girl I took home from a party on Sunday, March 28th. I left a message and she texted me back. We had a nice and casual back and forth until I passed out from the cold medicine I was taking. I haven't decided if I'll try to contact her again. I'm just glad I finally called her. I was feeling like a real asshole for some reason. Probably just a matter of guilt since I practically went from her straight to another girl I met at that same party.

I've been hanging out with this other girl for the past couple of weeks. It started off simply enough. A lunch date at Pete's downtown. How that turned into me staying at her apartment for two days, I don't quite remember. How that turned into me having a spare key to her place I have no idea. How that turned into her starting things off with "I don't really believe in love" only to confess "I think I'm falling in love with you" two weeks later, I really can't fucking tell you. I hold open doors. Is that such a big deal? Are other men really that big of douchebags? I would say that she's a bit, different, so to speak (and that may be true to a certain extent,) but this isn't the first time this has happened to me. And I have a really hard time believing this has everything to do with me. Part of it, maybe. Not to this extent, though. There's no fucking way I'm this charming.

I'm almost 34 years old. Since I moved to Los Angeles, the girls I've dated have been of the following ages: 20, 22, 23, 24, 25, and 25. I use the term "dated" loosely, but it basically means I've been out with them more than three times and I've slept with them. I'm sure I've strictly slept with (not dated) a least a couple of girls who were over the age of 26, but so far no one has (thankfully) been under 20 and (curiously) no one has been over 30. No comment here, just an observation.

Speaking of women, there's been a sudden and inexplicable rise in contact from women I haven't spoken to in years. None of them are saying anything out of the ordinary, they all just seem to want to say hello all of a sudden. No comment here either.

I'm continuing with my decision to be completely cut off from my ex-girlfriend, and I fucking hate it. Even though I know it's for the best and frankly I need to be cut off, I'm finding the experience to be less than satisfactory. I imagined that I would feel a lot better once I was able to let things go, but I actually feel worse. Maybe I still haven't let everything go? It's hard to tell. We left things on good terms and were determined to remain friends, and now we're not anything because I couldn't handle it. I suppose we are still friends for all intents and purposes, but how much longer can we go without any contact at all before we both stop caring? Has that time already passed? I can't bring myself to find out since I still think about her far too often and that's what brought me to this state in the first place. I'm starting to wonder if I never cared for anyone before because I just never cared, or because I knew, somehow, that it would eventually come to this?

I need a drink.